


never not

by tbzfilm



Series: the alliance [1]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, hyunjae is kinda mean, lots of fighting bc I love angst, sunhak focused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbzfilm/pseuds/tbzfilm
Summary: "for as long as I live, and as long as I love, I will never not think about you""this isn't a joke, sunwoo"the trainee sunwoo had a crush on finally gets his chance to debut, not knowing that his old feelings for him returned or that they never left in the first place.





	1. incomplete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunwoo misses haknyeon and how they used to be

**sunwoo's pov**

_tick. tick. tick_

I watched as the small clock on the wall ticked. I had nothing better to do while sitting alone in the practice room. all my members had already left and for some reason I just felt so drained that I couldn't even bring myself to get up. 

_tick. tick. tick_

I sighed, wiping the beads of sweat on my forehead with a towel. I could hear the faint footsteps of staff members walking and rushing around in the halls of the company building. everyone seemed to be in such a hurry these past few weeks, which only made my own group suffer from lack of attention from our own staff members thus being left to handle things on our own.

this probably meant someone was debuting. another group, to be specific. the CEO has been going on and on about wanting competition for us inside our own company, stating that it would be good for us and make us work harder. it sounds ridiculous, honestly. but I guess it would benefit the company either way if both groups are good enough. 

I know mine is.

just as my eyes were about to flutter shut, the door opened and I sat up, staring at the two boys who just walked in. I couldn't see the taller one because of the dim light and hat he was wearing, but the one with the golden brown hair and soft cheeks i  _definitely_ recognise. I quickly sat up, my eyes not leaving his and once he noticed my stare, he looked away.

"oh? you're still here?" the other trainee I now recognise as jacob says as he takes off his hat, revealing his dark hair. I hear him, clearly, but I can't keep my eyes off the shorter boy who keeps avoiding my eyes. 

_Joo Haknyeon._

I frown when I know there's no way he'll stop staring at the floor and give Jacob a soft smile. "yeah, I was just leaving" I said as I got up and grabbed my things. the tension in the air was making my chest hurt and I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out the room, not forgetting to give haknyeon another glance, hoping he'd at least look at me for a second. 

_he didn't._

and now I think it's safe to say that I'm probably the only one still stuck on the  _thing_ we had for the past couple of years. every time I see him in the hallways, at the cafe or even at school he would just avoid me. I'm always the one searching for him and hoping he'd glance at me even for a split second. I should really get over this, it's been far too long to keep dwelling on something that had already happened. 

I try to shake the thoughts off as I got into a taxi and went back to the dorm. usually I would've had hyunjae or younghoon take me, but it's already been a few hours since our practice ended and I didn't want to bother them. I sat quietly in the back of the taxi and let my thoughts go empty before I started to overthink again.

when I arrived, I could hear faint sounds of yelling coming through the door. I quickly unlocked the door with my key to see what was going on. just by opening a crack, I could already make out changmin and hyunjae's raised voices coming from the living room.

"you don't care about your career? your image? is that what it is, changmin?"

"why do you keep saying that, hyung! do you think I went through years of training for nothing? of course I care about my career but-"

"but what!"

I slipped off my sneakers and closed the door gently to not disturb whatever was going on. I quietly made my way to the living room, Kevin catching me and sending me a worried glance from the couch.

it's not an unusual thing for us to argue. it happens. we're 6 boys living in a tiny apartment together and we practically see each other 24/7. but hyunjae _actually_ yelling was a new thing. he is the leader, but he rarely ever gets mad. when he does, it's usually settled with a calm talk and wise words of advice from him.

" _but_ that does not mean I get to neglect my feelings because of it" changmin said with a huff.

"you're bullshitting. you knew what was going to happen yet you still let yourself feel things anyway" hyunjae said, his voice not raised anymore. "that just shows how careless you are, changmin. I don't want to hear any more of this, I'm done" was the last thing he said before going into his and younghoons shared room and slamming the door.

the silence he left in the room was deafening. even Kevin, the one who would usually be the mature one in these situations didn't have anything to say. I shifted my eyes from the living room to see hyunjoon and younghoon standing awkwardly at the kitchen. 

the silence was broken by changmin breaking down in tears and falling onto his knees. in a split second Kevin and younghoon ran over to him and lifted him up onto the couch. I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding and fully turned my head to hyunjoon.

"that was... intense" he said while we watched the two olders comfort changmin. sure, changmin was one of the emotional ones in our group. but I've never seen him cry  _this hard._ it was like hyunjae broke down a wall he was surrounding himself with.

"what happened?" I asked hyunjoon quietly and he gave me a look before grabbing my hand and dragging me into our shared room. he closed the door behind us and flopped onto my bed.

I sat down beside him and waited for him to start talking.

"changmin is in love" was all he had to say before the whole story kind of pieced into my head. from the things I heard them shout, it kind of made sense.

"oh" I replied. "with who?"

hyunjoon glared at me and sat up, pulling his legs into a cross and leaning against the wall. "chanhee. he's in love with chanhee"

I didn't reply.

I wasn't exactly shocked, I wasn't sure how I felt but I saw this coming. the 6 of us along with other 6 boys, who are only now preparing for debut, used to be super close. we had went on thinking that the 12 of us would debut together, because that's what everyone told us. we created these unbreakable and amazing friendships only to be told that only half of us would be debuting and the other half had to get back into normal training and wait until the company wanted to debut another group.

the whole situation was a whole mess. drama and fights happened, there was crying and yelling at our old shared dorm almost every night and there was always tension in the air as soon as the news broke out. I guess it brought out most of our competitive sides, especially mine, which lead to our friendships being ruined and torn apart.

I was surprised that changmin and chanhee still managed to be close even when their own friends were constantly fighting and at each other's throats for who knows how long. even when changmin debuted with us, chanhee still supported him and worked hard to achieve his own dreams. 

_oh, how I wish it was the same for me._

i didn't know it was so serious to the point where changmin would fall in love. it makes me anxious just thinking about it. I remembered when me and haknyeon would spend every single second together. we would practice together, help each other with our assignments, eat lunch alone together, stay up late and watch movies together and just so many things that I regret ruining. 

you can't blame me, right? I came into the company to chase my one dream to become an idol. to become a rapper and a writer that people respected. to make and perform music people enjoyed. I couldn't help pushing him away and working my own way just to benefit myself. this was my dream, and I thought that letting go of the one person who made me so truly happy was going to be worth it when I got to debut.

but it wasn't.

sure, I got to debut and receive amazing support from fans and people around me. I got to make my dreams come true. but somehow I felt empty. it felt that something was missing. I thought I had already had everything, but turns out there was one thing I was missing.

haknyeon.


	2. never the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunwoo can't speak up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yO this is going to be a lil short but its basically what riles up the next chapter which is probably going to be super long so enjoy

**sunwoo's pov**

it wasn't rare that our two groups saw each other. hell, we were in the same company, shared the same practice room and our dorms were only a few floors apart. it wasn't surprising that I could spot haknyeon and chanhee sitting outside of the practice room, in a somewhat deep conversation.

i guess they didn't notice me just behind the wall a little across the practice room, because they don't seem to be stopping their conversation.

 _"...he was literally sobbing, hak. I know he's always the one who cried but this time it was like... different. hyunjae really hurt him"_ I heard chanhee's voice. soft and sure. I missed him, too.

 _"well, he isn't going to let hyunjae fuck up his love life, is he? I mean, changmin loves his career but I know he'd do anything for you"_ haknyeon replied and my fists clenched at the sound of his voice. it was like honey, so sweet and smooth. I missed hearing him.

I couldn't take it, I wanted to see his face. even if he would avoid me. I stepped out of my spot and walked casually towards the room. both their heads snapped up, chanhee giving me a small smile and haknyeon looking away.

"oh, sunwoo, hi" chanhee said and got up, helping haknyeon with him. "I didn't know you guys were going to practice today"

"changmin didn't tell you?" I answered. it was the first time I spoke to chanhee or any of the other 6 boys in a while. "we're preparing for a comeback"

"oh, he didn't" chanhee's expression changed at the mention of changmin, but I couldn't quite catch what it was. his phone rang and he answered it, smiling towards me and haknyeon as a sign he was going to take the call elsewhere.

and then it was just me. and haknyeon. alone in the hallway.

"hey... hyung" I said, addressing him formally in fear of speaking casually after so long. I could feel my hands tremble slightly so I shoved them into my pockets. 

haknyeon lifted his head from looking at the floor and stared into my eyes. it was like he was searching for something in them. I'm not sure what. he looked hurt and confused, the same face he made when I stopped talking to him when the bad news broke out about a year ago.

he shook his head and tried to walk pass me, but my hand moved on it's own and grabbed his elbow. I don't know what's gotten into me, but my brain was telling me to grab him.

"what?" he said, annoyed.

 _dont leave,_ was what I wanted to say. but no words came out and I just stared at him in hope. he scoffed after my lack of response and yanked his arm away. I watched as he walked down the hall and turned the corner, disappearing.

I run a hand through my hair, still trembling slightly and cursing myself for being so stupid. why did I do that?

just as I was about to enter the practice room, hyunjoon and Kevin walked up to me, waving and all. I just gave them a tired smile before walking into the room and placing my bag down near the mirrors.

"hey, you okay bud?" Kevin asked as he and hyunjoon joined me in the room. I nodded, trying to seem genuine, "yeah, just a little tired" 

"well, you did stay up writing songs all night" hyunjoon said and I rolled my eyes playfully at him. it was true though, usually when I can't sleep I end up writing songs. and last night my mind was clouded with a lot of thoughts. thoughts about a certain boy who walked back into my brain after a long time.

it's not like I  _comepletely_ forgot about him at the time. it was just easier not to remember the random memories when I couldn't see his face often. now that his group was going to debut I was probably going to see him everyday, the thoughts won't be leaving my mind any time soon. I really need to get my head straight or I might actually explode.

after about 5 minutes, the rest of our members except changmin had arrived. hyunjae looked drained today, baggy clothes with dark circles under his eyes and all. I can tell that the argument really had an impact not only on him, but all of us. the tension was in the air even without changmin in the room.

hyunjae was infact a good leader, even if he seemed playful and imature at times he really did know how to keep us in check. he really cared about his dreams, and us, of course, and I really admired that. but the issue with him is that he has a hard time understanding others which often creates a barrier between us.

kevin gave me a wary look through the mirror as he played the music and we started to dance, practicing as usual.

I was tired, but there was no way I was going to show it when hyunjae was in a mood like this. that's another thing about him, when he's mad, it's scary. I'm not usually the one to cry easily but I probably would if hyunjae ever snapped at me. we did our practice as usual, hyunjae unconfidently correcting and helping us sharpen our moves. I could tell he was a bit unsure since it's usually changmin doing these things, but he tried his best. 

after running through our routine a couple of times, we stopped the music and took a break, heavy pants filling the room as we all took a swing of our own water. "damn, we're getting better" younghoon chuckled and hyunjoon high fived him in agreement. I shook my head at them with a small smile.

at least the tension had gone down. or that's what I thought.

the next thing that happened was almost like a blur, it flashed right before my eyes in a split second. I closed my water bottle as I watched chanhee storm into the room and start yelling at hyunjae without mercy, using informal speech to make it even worse. I couldn't even catch all the words they were saying, it was like something was ringing in my ears. Kevin, younghoon and hyunjoon didn't know what to do either. we knew trying to calm either of them down wouldn't work. hyunjae had stood up and started yelling at chanhee too.

"don't you have any fucking respect? I'm older than you, chanhee. I don't care what you're mad about atle-"

"EXACTLY! all you care about is yourself, how dare you put you and your pride before your own members feelings, you piece of shit" the room was already silent, but it felt like it reached another level of silence just as the cruel words escape chanhees. I finally spot haknyeon standing close behind him, mouth open slightly in shock as he tried to procees what was going on. it looked like he wanted to step closer and break them up but I could sense the fear in his eyes. seems like he still knows how angry hyunjae can get.

I blocked out the yelling and just focused on haknyeons face for awhile, which was a bad idea because before I knew it, hyunjae had threw his fist towards chanhees face and the shorter boy failed to block him, falling backwards onto the floor. hyunjae grabbed haknyeons collar and lifted him up, mumbling something I couldn't hear but I know it was bad since I saw how haknyeon started to shake and how he tried to push hyunjae away.

I could hear the faint noises of footsteps but I couldn't make out any of them, too shocked to even make a reaction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wasn't the one being punched, but somehow everything was white.


	3. never stopped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the members are forced to take sides when things get too serious. sunwoo finally talks to haknyeon after almost a whole year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I mention that the lowercase is intended? its a bad habit but that's just how I write I'm sorry. 
> 
> thank you for the kudos !! I still don't know how this works but I'm getting there :) 
> 
> enjoy

**sunwoo's pov**

even though my vision was still a bit blurry, I ran over to the scene and pulled hyunjae away from haknyeon, tightly gripping his arm. haknyeon let out a sob and held his neck out of pain. my grip on hyunjae's arm tightened.  _he hurt haknyeon._

hyunjae let out a sound of frustration as he successfully ripped his arm out of my hold, sending me a glare "what the fuck are you thinking, sunwoo!"

I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself.  _hes your Hyung, sunwoo. don't tell at him. don't yell._ "you need to calm down"

hyunjae grit his teeth and strides for haknyeon again, who was already crying hardly somewhere behind me. Kevin and hyunjoon were just watching, probably too shocked to do anything. younghoon is kneeling beside a knocked out chanhee.

I quickly grab hyunjae's shoulders before he can try anything again, throwing him onto the floor. I'm surprised I still have much strength, I haven't been to the gym in a while.

"what is wrong with you!" hyunjae yelled at me.

"I  _said,_ you need to calm the fuck down" I said calmly. hyunjae screamed in frustration.

younghoon lifted chanhee, who was barely cautious off of the floor while Kevin rushed over to help him. "i-i need to go get help, he's bleeding" 

I shot hyunjae a glare and nod my head. I listen as their footsteps fade and the door click shut. I can hear haknyeons heavy breaths behind me.

"I'm leaving, too" I say after a good minute of watching hyunjae try to compose himself. "don't call me or any of us until you've gotten your shit together" I spat at him, already loosing the thought of respecting him. how could I, after he just lost control like that? 

I turned around and grabbed haknyeons hand. surprisingly, he didn't let go or try to resist. he just weekly sighed and hiccuped as tears were still running down his face.

"hyunjoon, let's go" I call him out.

"I..." I hear him say and look back at him. he looks confused. "I'm going to stay here, with hyunjae hyung. you can go. call me later, okay?" 

I squint my eyes at him suspiciously and nod slowly. it seems weird, that he'd want to stay with hyunjae who just let hell break loose. but I guess it's his choice, so I don't stop him. I intertwine my fingers with haknyeons and leave the room, not forgetting to send hyunjae one last glare as I see him staring at our hands.

haknyeon doesn't speak as I lead him out of the building and into a taxi. he doesn't speak the whole ride back to the dorm building, nor does he let go of my hand. his face shows no emotiona now, just blank and empty. I try comforting him by rubbing my thumb across his knuckles, just like I used to do when we were much closer back then. but it didn't work. 

we arrived at my dorm, since I figured he wouldn't want to walk into his own dorm and break the news to his members so suddenly. he still hasn't said anything as I help him untie his sneakers.

I bring him into mine and hyunjoon's shared room and make him sit down on my bed. he examines the room, expression still blank. I stare at him for a while before kneeling down in front of him.

"is your neck okay?" I say softly, my hand hovering in the air as I'm afraid he'll leave if I try to touch him. 

"I'm fine" he says quietly. the words feel to familiar, too close to home. but I brush it off and just let my fingers softly caress his neck. he didn't protest.

"I don't know what's gotten into him..." I whisper. this time his blank expression is gone and it's replaced with a sadder one.

he pushes my hand away. "what's gotten into  _him?_ I don't know, sunwoo, why don't you tell me?" he says harshly.

my mouth parts slightly and I close it again, not sure what to say. haknyeon looks away from me, crossing his arms. he's angry, definitely angry.

"all of you act like that. all six of you except for changmin. you've let your pride get the best of you" he says and I see a tear escape his eye.

I never thought I'd see him cry again because of me.

"you care about this crappy company, your reputation and this whole being an idol thing more than you do yourself. do you realise what you guys have put us through?" he says, now looking at me straight in the eye.

I stay silent for a moment. "I feel like you're speaking for yourself more than you are your members" I sigh.  _hes talking about me._

"glad you noticed" he says sarcastically and stands up, walking towards the door. "I'm leaving" 

I scramble onto my feet and grab his wrist, and it feels like dejavu. too many times. I pull him back until he spins around and close enough for me to stare into his eyes. God, you won't even know how much I've missed this,  _how much I've missed him._

"don't leave, please don't leave" I whisper. 

"you can't just say that and expect everything to be okay!" he raises his voice at me and cries. "for fucks sake, sunwoo, you don't know how much I've begged to God that you would come back to me, but you didn't. you left"

my throat tightens and I can't find the right words to say. I feel like if I open my mouth I'd just vomit.

"so what makes you think I won't leave this time?" he looks up at me.

my breathing gets heavier and my hands start to shake. I forgot about the whole hyunjae situation for a while. my head is clouded again, anxiety taking over my body before I knew it. I wanted to scream, I wanted to tell him everything I didn't get to say, everything that I regretted. he cried even harder as I wasn't answering and it broke my heart to pieces that I made him feel like that. I had tossed him aside without even thinking about what he had felt, without even trying to work things out.

I played with him like a toy, and oh boy was I beating myself up mentally because of it.

I start crying too, and haknyeon looks slightly shocked. I've never cried in front of him before. I've never cried in front of any of my members, in front of any of my friends. I don't know what made me do it now. my body wasn't letting me speak, and I so badly wanted to. I wanted to tell him how sorry I am, how I had hoped he'd come back to me too, and to tell him that-

"I love you" I spoke without thinking.

haknyeons eyes widen in shock and he takes a step back from me. "w-what?"

I take a deep breath,  _i can't believe I just said that._ "you might think I'm insane for saying that, since I'm the one who let you go and lead our whole relationship to fall apart. but I mean it, haknyeon. I'm not sure how long I've knowned but I'm sure that it's true, I love you"

he didn't respond but I could see the faint blush on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I don't know if this will be enough for you, but I really am sorry. I'm sorry for being so selfish and never thinking about your feelings. I'm sorry for leaving you behind without an answer. I'm sorry for making you hurt and confused for all these months" I say, tears still rolling down my cheeks. "it took me so long to realise that debuting wasn't everything. you have no idea how empty I've felt even though I already got what I wanted. it wasn't enough"

"sunwoo, i-"

"you don't have to forgive me, even if I want you to. I put you through so much pain. I just wanted you to know. I love you, and I'm sorry" I say and hold both if his hands in mine. it feels like a dream that I'm able to do this again, to be close to him, to hold him. I can't believe I went so long without him.

"I don't know what to say" he says quietly. 

"you don't have to say anything" I say breathily, giving him a sad smile. I didn't expect him to forgive and forget about all my mistakes. I stepped closer to him and he didn't move away. 

my eyes shift down to look at his lips. I move even closer and wrap my arms around his waist. "is this okay?" I ask. "I've just... missed you so much" 

and for the first time, even though it was short, I heard him laugh softly and God, I've never missed hearing something so badly. he wraps his arms around my neck.

"sunwoo," he says and I stop looking at his lips to stare into his eyes. I respond with a hum. "just because I'm doing this, doesn't mean I'm forgiving you, okay?"

"doing wh-"

my words were cut off.

he kissed me.

 

 

-

 

 

haknyeon and I were in the midst of catching up, just casually talking and clearing up everything that went down between us. I'm more of a closed off person who never really shares their feelings but talking to haknyeon made me feel so much better. I really do love him. to what extent, I'm not sure yet.

but he kissed me. it was great. and that means I'm getting a little closer to getting his forgiveness, right? at lease I hope it does. that's really the main thing that I want.

"you were such a dick to me and everyone else" he explained. "even jacob almost lost his temper because of you"

I tilted my head to look at him, laying beside me on my fairly small bed and pouted. "I didn't realise how mean I was being, I'm sorry" 

"stop apologising!" he laughs. his laugh is really beautiful. "I know you're sorry, but it might take a whole for me to... you know, adjust to this" he mumbles.

"I know, I understand" I reply.

the both of us immediately sit up when we hear the front door open and click back shut. we give each other a look, both our eyes widened. the doors here aren't really sound proof, so it was easy to make out the voice of younghoon and Kevin. we both sighed after we knew it was them and not hyunjae.

hyunjae really made a bad descion for causing that today. it was too much. it doesn't matter how mad he was, he should've controlled himself. I wonder if anyone snitched on him, and if they did, will hyunjae be trouble?

"sunwoo?" we heard kevins voice through the door. "are you in here?"

I widened my eyes again and signalled for haknyeon to keep quiet. I know Kevin or younghoon wouldn't do anything to us, but everything has been so... aggressive lately and I didn't feel like dealing with their stupid Hyung lectures and 'life advice'. I feel like I shouldn't trust anyone after. only haknyeon.

"yeah, just resting" I reply as casually as I can. 

"okay, call us if you need anything" he says back and I reply with a yes before looking back at the golden haired boy who was grinning at me.

"what?" I asked grinning back, not being able to resist. 

"you're so cute" he says and sighs. "I've always liked you, you know?" 

my face flushes red and I look away from him as he softly chuckles at my response. it still feels awkward and sudden that we're like this again, but it feels more good than anything to have my best friend back. well, if that's what you would call us. 

it's been so long, and now that we're falling back into place, everything is starting to feel complete again. I just wonder how we're going to fix changmin, chanhee and hyunjae's whole situation. but I can think about that another time.

"I think I should get going" haknyeon says, pushing himself off of my bed. "before anyone gets suspicious"

I smile sadly at him and nod. "yeah, I'll go check and see if kevin or younghoon are in sight" he nods and I leave the room, scanning my eyes over the living room and kitchen briefly and seeing no one. they must be in their rooms.

I go back into my room and see that haknyeon has put his jacket back on, ready to leave. "it's clear" I say and he smiles before following behind me. we walk through the living room to the front door careful not to make any loud and obvious sounds. 

I watch in content as he puts on his sneakers and we head out of the dorm room, standing in the hall. he pushes his hair back and smiles at me again. "so, I guess I'll see you later?" 

I smile at him back. "yeah, I guess so" 

before he leaves, he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my cheek. leaving behind a tingling feeling and a wide smile on my face.

I push away any other thoughts and just think about haknyeon. when I do, everything seems like it will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii I'm finally posting this chapter lol I've been so exhausted because of school lately :(
> 
> also. idk how to write um. kiss scenes. so I'm sorry I had to cut the whole scene like that. I'll try better next time.
> 
> this one's for you, chai, as usual.


	4. we're okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunwoo and haknyeon decided to put their friends before themselves for this once.
> 
> and hopefully they will turn out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! I'm back. it's been a really exhausting week and now I finally have time to write I'm so sorry for those who were waiting !!

**sunwoo's pov**

when I wake up, everything that happened yesterday feels like a dream. hyunjae blowing up and punching chanhee, me snapping at hyunjae, haknyeon and I becoming somewhat normal...

I almost believe it's not true until my phone chimes with a text from my favorite boy, haknyeon, of course. I smile, ruffling my messy bed hair and grabbing my phone off of my night stand.

_hakkie hyung: hey, are you up?_

_sunwoo: of course_

_why_

_hakkie hyung: wanna grab a drink?_

_I heard_ _the company is holding a_

_meeting later..._

 

_sunwoo: oh..._

_ohhhhhh_

_of course, I'll be at your dorm_

_in a bit._

_hakkie hyung: mhm_

_see you_

 

I'm sure I look insane right now, hair all messed up and eyes barely open, smiling like an idiot at my phone. my thoughts are confirmed when hyunjoon hops down from his top bunk and gives me a nasty look.

"what, bitch?" I say, shoving my phone under the covers and giving him the same look.

"you are so aggressive" he scoffs back at me, walking over to his side of our shared closet. "why the hell are you so happy?"

"drugs" I replied casually. "and why are you so grumpy?" 

"hyunjae hyung isn't talking to me"

"not surprised. why do you care?" 

he stops rummaging in the closet and turns to look at me, his expression softening. he looks sad, almost. I sit up, a bit worried now that his mood dropped.

"I... I don't know" he says quietly, but enough so that I could hear him. I nod, giving him a small smile for comfort. I want to ask what's wrong, but I decide that everyone is probably in a sensitive state right now, and I don't feel like dealing with it.

hyunjoon continues to look for an outfit as I drag myself out of bed and start to get ready. just as I expected, the whole dorm is so silent you could hear a pin drop. I walk into the living room to see younghoon spread out on the couch with his mouth hung open and his blanket on the floor. hyunjae must have locked him out of their room.

Kevin is silently making coffee in the kitchen and changmin still hasn't came back to the dorm. I feel uneasy, the dorm is never this silent. noise is usually bouncing off the walls with younghoons weird screaming, changmin screeching over a card game with an obnoxious Kevin, me and hyunjoon bickering and hyunjae constantly doing less than intelligent things in the kitchen. the silence feels so out of place. this isn't what we are.

after freshing up, I grab a random pair of jeans and a hoodie, slipping them both on and putting on a hat since I'm far too lazy to do my hair. I tell Kevin that I'm heading out for a walk, not forgetting to glance at younghoon who's still half asleep and clinging to him. I also don't forget to glance and hyunjoon as well, who's sitting on the floor against hyunjae's (and younghoons) door.

there's something up with him, I should ask once everything is calmed down.

I slip on my sneakers and head down a couple levels to haknyeons dorm. there's a bounce in my step and my heart is beating fast. I feel lighter, happier, even. I'm not sure if it's wrong to feel that way while everyone else is probably feeling like shit, but all I can think of is haknyeon.

"hey, sunwoo!" chanhee, who happened to open the door greets me. he's sporting his shiny hair with a slightly bruised cheek and a scar on his lip. how can he be this cheerful?

"hey, chanhee..." I say. "how are you feeling?"

"I'm good" he laughs lightly. "you must be here for haknyeon. hold on- HAKNYEON!"

he catches me off guard with his loud, high pitched scream and I laugh at him while he turns to face me again with a knowing smile. "I'm glad you two are doing better. I know you both went through a lot" 

haknyeon comes up behind chanhee, a smile on his face as he quickly steps on his sneakers. "let's go!" he says and grabs my arm. 

"why are you in a rush-"

"HAKNYEON! I'm not finished" I hear jacobs voice through the dorm and haknyeon laughs loudly. all I can do is smile at him in awe. he says a quick goodbye to chanhee before he's pulling me down the hall and into the elevator. the doors close and he lets go of my arm, turning to face me.

"hey" he grins.

"hey-" my words are cut off by his fingers looping around my belt loops and his other hand pulling me down by the neck into a kiss. I can't help but smile. this one is much more firm and certain than last night's, which was messy and unsure.

"what a way to greet me" I say after we pull apart, that smile never leaving my face. my chest aches with so much happiness and I feel like I might explode soon.

"isn't it?" he chuckles. "I know, it's so soon... but I felt like doing it" 

"it's fine" I reasure him and intertwine our fingers. "we can go slow and still do... cute things. right?"

"right" he says. "no more kisses"

"that's not what I sa-"

"let's go!" he cuts me off once again as the elevator doors open and he drags me out by arm. I let him, not even protesting when we're out on the open with the possibility of being seen. we walk along the sidewalk once we exit the building and surprisingly, the weather is nice. a little cold, but not freezing.

haknyeon finally let's go of my hand and we walk side by side with a small distance, enjoying the view as we slowly make our way to the company building. usually it would take a taxi ride to get there but walking today seemed fine.

I take in the fresh air and soft views, wanting to forget about my groups problems for at least a bit. I keep trying to forget, and it's just making me think about it more. yesterday barely feels real, it feels like a fever dream I had that never happened. but when I take in the details of the small and barely noticeable bruise on the back of haknyeons neck and remember the bruise across chanhees face, it feels too real to me.

a wave of anxiety hits me when the image of haknyeons terrified face come across my mind. I look to my left at him and reach out with my hand, softly carressing his neck right above the bruise. "he really hurt you..." I whisper and we come to a stop, right in front of a Starbucks nearby the company.

"sunwoo, I'm fine" he says and pushes my hand away.

"you aren't" I reply, looking away from him. "and you're right. no more kisses. we should take things slow. at least for now until everything is worked out" 

he sighs, "I was joking" 

"but I'm not" I step closer to him, my head still tilted down. "we should think about this, you know? I'm obsessed with you, haknyeon. and all I've been thinking about since last night is kissing and cuddling you. to protect you from everything" 

he cups my face and tilts my head up so that I'm looking at him again. "but these are our friends, and as much as I love you, I won't ignore this just so I can be happy while everyone else is feeling like shit" I continue.

he smiles at me, stands on his tip toes and pecks my forehead. "you're a good guy, you know? that's why I never gave up on you, even after you left" 

"please, don't remind me of the leaving part"

"you kind of deserve it" he says jokingly.

"you're right" 

we both laugh and he drops his hands from my face as we enter the Starbucks, warm air hitting us making my cheeks feel hotter than before. we order our respective drinks, haknyeon not forgetting to cringe at my choice of bitter coffee with three expresso shots and one pump of sugar. and I don't forget to tease haknyeon about his sweet tooth and usual order of a caramel frappe with no coffee like the little kid he truly is.

we sit at a booth beside the window and let ourselves get lost in a random conversation about our dorms. my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing at haknyeons constant complaints of chanhee and changmin suddenly acting like a married couple since changmin has been spending time at their dorm. he didn't forget to mention how much changmin babied the older when he found out that he had gotten punched in the face by hyunjae.

I didn't have many fun stories to tell, the only thing being hyunjoon acting strange and following hyunjae around like a lost puppy. I reminded myself constantly to not forget about asking him, because my curiosity it killing me.

it's been about an hour or so and we've both finished our drinks, just having small talk and enjoying each other's presence. both our phones buzzed at the same time, a message popping up on the screen. I pick my phone up from the table and unlock it.

**from: manager**

**be at the company building in the meeting room in about half an hour. all of you are required to be there, no excuses.**

"is it your manager?" haknyeon asks as he put his own phone back down.

I nod and we both give each other a knowing look. it's a meeting about what happened last night, and I can already feel a disaster coming. I'm not sure it's safe to put chanhee and hyunjae in the same room again and add changmin into the mix. just thinking about the tension is already giving me anxiety.

"hey," haknyeon says, reaching over the table to grab my hand and softly caress my fingers. "it's going to be fine"

"I... wasn't worried" I laugh, trying not to seem nervous.

"sure" he smiles. "you always purse your lips and furrow your eyebrows as if you're thinking hard whenever you're feeling anxious. it may have been a while but I still know you, sunwoo" 

"hyung!" I whine, trying to pull my hand away but he just chuckles and holds on tighter. 

"now come on, I'd rather not be late" 

 

 

 

-

 

 

the both of us walk into the meeting room with one minute to spare. everyone is already sitting there, now staring at us who are the last ones to enter the room. I notice hyunjoon's raised eyebrows and hyunjaes blank yet annoyed stare when I realise how weird it is for me and haknyeon to show up  _together_. I guess he notices it too because we both take a step apart from each other.

"hey" haknyeon laughs nervously and I send him one last look before taking my seat at the left side of the table where all my members (except changmin, who's comfortably next to chanhee) are sitting. Kevin gives me a weird look but I just brush it off by giving him a smile.

not long after the awkward encounter, both our managers walk into the room and sit at the edge of the long wooden table, expressions stern and serious. the look on the other groups manager makes me shiver, I've always been kind of scared of him. maybe it's because our manager is usually nice while the other groups is usually more strict. that's just my personal opinion, though.

"I'm glad you all followed instructions and made it here on time. we need to have a serious discussion about the events that have taken place last night" our manager says, glaring at hyunjae who lets out a tired sigh. "would one of you care to explain?"

"me-" hyunjae says but the manager cuts him off.

"actually, nevermind. I'd like for kevin and Jacob to explain" our manager says.

the two Canadian boys from different groups share a look, eyes widening and mouth agape. I'm surprised that our manager chose them, especially Jacob, since he doesn't speak much. but it makes sense. the ones who aren't involved yet experienced the whole thing should speak, not those in conflict. it would be less hectic.

"well, um..." Kevin starts as he's the more confident out of the two. "this all kind of started when changmin told hyunjae, um, something, and they had an argument at the dorms"

"please elaborate. we want to know the details, even it may reveal a bit of your private lives" the other groups manager says.

Kevin gulps before continuing, "changmin told hyunjae that he's... in love with chanhee" he says and the couple mentioned look down at the table while hyunjae just chuckles harshly. "and hyunjae didn't like it, he told changmin that he wasn't thinking about his career. changmin he... broke down and left the dorm to stay with chanhee that night" 

the managers nodded, motioning for Kevin to continue. but instead, Jacob started to speak up.

"when he came over he didn't really explain what happened. he just told us that he had gotten into an argument with hyunjae. we didn't think much of it and just let him stay there" Jacob says calmly. "the next day, chanhee found out what had really gone down during the fight and decided to confront hyunjae"

I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding as Jacob summerized the whole story without missing any major details. I was glad he left out the part where I had yelled at hyunjae, or I probably would've gotten a scolding for interfering and disrespecting my leader. and I didn't need that right now.

"so, this is all because... changmin and chanhee has feelings for each other?" the other manager spoke up and when he realised everyone wasn't answering he raised his voice a little, "answer me" 

"yes" both changmin and chanhee answered at the same time.

the managers sighed. "I am very disappointed in all of you. there is a way to handle situations and the way you did was definitely not the answer. hyunjae, I understand that you want your group to succeed and to focus solely on that, but we are human. and if changmins feelings didn't effect him before, why would it now?" the other groups manager says. "you can't blame him for wanting to feel a little free. and changmin, you should've acted more maturely instead of storming off to your boyfriend, which just created more conflict" 

changmin nodded his head, clearly feeling guilty. what pissed me off the most was hyunjae who had the same blank expression since I walked into the room. does he not feel the slightest bit sorry?

"and I understand that when chanhee decided to confront you, you resolved with violence, am I right?" our manager says to hyunjae.

"he started yelling at me fir-"

"hyunjae, answer me" 

hyunjae sighs, defeated. "yes, I did"

"which is unlikely of you. you can be angry without physically hurting someone. you are allowed to feel let down, that's okay. but going all the way to hurt him and even haknyeon was wrong on your part" our manager says, clearly disappointed. "the twelve of you used to be so close. I don't know why you've created this barrier between yourselves. it doesn't matter who debuted first, your friendship should be more important than that"

I feel my chest ache as I look across me at haknyeon, sadly. I do regret it. I do regret ruining not only my relationship with haknyeon, but the other five who were once my best friends. haknyeon looks back at me and I can see his eyes get glossy as he smiles and me and mouths "it's okay" which makes me calm down slightly.

"now, I want you all to understand that being in this industry isn't easy. you will have to make sacrifices sometimes, but whats important is that you know what you truly want in the end and that you are happy. we both will not tolerate something like this to happen ever again, understood?" 

everyone lets out a quiet "understood" as the two managers stand up, gathering their things to leave the room. "to my boys, continue doing well. and to the rest of you, good luck on your debut soon. we will  _all_ be rooting for you" our manager says and leaves the room with the other manager.

the twelve of us are left in the room again, the tension rising in the air like before. I look at haknyeon again and he's already looking at me with a small smile, wiping the small tears that escaped his eyes away.

"they're right" haknyeon says aloud and everyone looks at him. "we've all became so caught up with this whole debuting thing that we forgot that we were all once unbreakable. the twelve of us were like a happy family"

"it's our faults for letting our ego get the best of us" younghoon says. "I'm sorry" 

"no, it's no ones fault" sagnyeon says, smiling proudly. "we were all wrong. we were all dumb teenage kids who thought being an idol was more important than the friendship we've created. and now this is something to teach us, to allow us to learn from our mistakes and mend our old scars" 

I smile. sagnyeon has always been the most mature out of us, seeing as he's the oldest. they're lucky to have a leader like him. and we are lucky to have hyunjae as ours, I just wished he was a bit less childish.

"so let's learn. no more of this crap, okay? I'm sick of us acting like rivals, like enemies with a never ending fight. we should all grow up a bit and understand each other better" sagnyeon continues, "from now own, we'll let everything in the past that broke us apart go. let's apologise and start again. how does that sound?"

we all stand up, walking to the front of the room to come together. everyone except for hyunjae who's replaced his blank expression with a sad one. I pat his shoulder, making him look up at me. "you too, hyung. you have to learn" he looks at me for a few seconds before sighing, standing up and joining everyone in a group hug.

my heart feels much better now. it feels like I've found my right place again, and it's right here, with these eleven boys who have been with me for a long time. a few of us let out laughs, and some of us are tearing up. but what's important is that we all feel complete again.

in between our hug, I look up to meet haknyeons eyes and he has the same eye sparkling smile as me and my heart flutters even more.

 

 

 

_yeah, I feel so much better now._

 


	5. just us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two weeks have passed, their friendships are slowly getting better which means sunwoo gets more time with his.... boyfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lotta kissy stuff because I miss sunhak all they ever feed us is literal dust. one picture won't hurt you know.

**sunwoo's pov**

haknyeon and I arrived back at the dorm building before anyone else, since we both agreed we needed some alone time together.

our friends have been occasionally hanging out ever since the whole fiasco almost two weeks ago and everything is going pretty well. hyunjae is still acting a bit awkward but other than that, everything is slowly falling into place again and it honestly feels like 2016 all over again. haknyeon and I on the other hand have been doing great, healing the past slowly by getting even closer to  each other. we don't exactly have a label yet, but it doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother him. as long as we are happy.

our groups both had scheduled practices at around 4 pm today and now it's 7 pm and it's pitch black outside as we walk hand in hand into the building. we've been like this for awhile, not being too touchy but still comfortable around each other in front of our members. no one has suspected anything, just a few jokes and teases from the two canadians who have also seemed to build their friendship back up. I'm glad they're back to normal again, but their jokes can get out of hand sometimes. which is why haknyeon and I decided to lay low for now.

"it's getting cold again" haknyeon frowns and pulls me closer as we walk into the elevator. I press the button to my floor and wrap an arm around him.

"I'll keep you warm" I smirk and he rolls his eyes at me and walks ahead once the elevator doors open. I chuckled and follow behind him down the hall until we reach my dorm.

"I miss the twelve of us in a dorm together" he says while watching me unlock the door. "it was kind of crazy, but it was fun"

we slip off our shoes and head into the dorm, I switch on the lights and immediately grab him by the waist after closing the door. "mhm, but if we lived together again I couldn't keep my hands off you" I smirk again and he places his hands on my chest. 

"as if you can do that even when we don't" he remarks. "stop flirting and just kiss me you idiot" 

I smile and comply, leaning down to capture his lips in mine. we don't get to do this often but when we do, butterflies and fireworks explode all the way from my chest down to my stomach. kissing him always feels like the first time.

haknyeon moves his hands to wrap around my neck and he pulls me down even more, deepening the kiss. I'm sure he can feel how my face heated up because he's smiling into the kiss. we break apart to breathe and he pulls me onto the couch so that we're sitting beside each other.

"what are you doing?" I ask and this time he's the one smirking. he grabs my waist and pulls me onto his lap so that I'm straddling him. 

my face heats up even more and I feel so embarrassed. I'm taller than him and I usually treat him like the baby even though I'm younger, but him taking the upper hand is turning me on more than it should. I hide my face into the crook of his neck and sigh.

"awe, is my baby embarrassed?" he asks with a teasing tone and I whine into his neck, making him laugh and wrap his arms around me. "stop whining" 

"you're babying me" I reply.

"that's literally what you are, a baby" he says as I pull away from his neck to look at him again. he's looking up at me with the sweetest smile and his eyes are sparkling. my chest tightens and I let out a nervous breath. 

I don't know what to say, or do, so I just place my hands on his shoulders and kiss him again. his hands roam around my back before sliding down to my ass, making me gasp so he can shove his tongue in my mouth. that sneaky bitch really knows what he's doing and I realise how truly inexperienced I am when it comes to things like this, so I just let him take the lead.

we continue to lazily make out, pulling apart occasionally to catch our breaths and admire each other. tonight I feel so safe, being in the arms of the boy I've learned to love and feeling so incredibly happy. I'm exhausted and feel like passing out from practice earlier but being so close to haknyeon calms my nerves and restores a bit of my energy again.

"if I knew you kissed like this I would've confessed my love to you a long time ago" I chuckle and peck the side of his mouth, barely touching his lips.

"if I knew you'd like it so much maybe I should've kissed you back then before we fought" he jokes and we both laugh. 

over the past two weeks, we've probably had about five late nights together at the park, just laying beside each other watching the stars while we talk about everything. we talk about our members, we talk about our families, and we talk about us. we talk about how we're going to make this work, our mistakes, our boundaries and slowly we've tried to completely heal the scar that broke us apart. 

sometimes I tell myself that I regret leaving him, that our fight should've never happened. but now that I'm here, laying with him, it makes me remember that everything happens for a reason. if we didn't fight, I probably would have never confessed and I probably wouldn't be able to hold him like this, to touch him more freely and to kiss him whenever I wanted. it's safe to say that I'm a bit grateful that I used to be an asshole, because in the end it made me a better person today.

"sunwoo" haknyeon whispers after what seems like hours of silence. I hum in response, too sleepy to reply properly. "I love you" 

I'm suddenly not so sleepy anymore and I sit up, my hands on his shoulders as I look at him with wide eyes.  _he said he loved me._ he smiles at my reaction and I slowly start to break out into a smile myself.

"really?" is the only thing I manage to reply.

"would I lie to you?" he chuckles and I smile even wider, burying my face into his neck once again and letting my hands wonder to the back of his neck to play with his hair. 

I let out a sigh of content,  _he loves me too._

I don't say anything for a while, just trying to appreciate this moment that we rarely ever get. he rubs circles on the small of my back and hums a song I don't recognize. I start to doze off until he starts to speak again.

"you didn't answer me" he says, still rubbing my back which is making it more difficult for me to stay awake.

"for as long as I live, and as long as I love, I will never not think about you" I mumbled out the lyrics to the song he was humming to earlier (I finally recognized the tune) with my awful english pronounciation. 

"this isn't a joke, sunwoo" he says seriously at first but I guess he couldn't hold it because he chuckles and kisses the back of my neck. "I'm serious!"

"I love you too, cupcake" I manage to mumble out.

"that's a horrible pet name"

"I'll work on a better one" 

he luaghs again and it's like a lullaby, softly putting me to sleep. "sure. goodnight angel"

"that name is even worse..." is the last thing I remember saying before I fall into a deep sleep, with the warmth and comfort from being in the arms of my favorite boy.

and now the lyrics I sang seem pretty accurate, because I'm never not thinking about him, the trainee who stole my heart and made it his.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

I'm woken up by the sound of the door opening. my eyes slowly flutter open and I lift myself slightly off of haknyeons chest where I was previously laying on to find the boy asleep. I smile, admiring the adorable view of him sleeping peacefully with his lips pouted. it makes me want to kiss him.

but my thoughts are interrupted when I hear the sound of hyunjoon's voice, and fear rises in my chest when I realise that he could see me and haknyeon. I'm not sure why I'm scared, it's not like he'd care, but I guess I got used to keeping it low-key.

"hyung, please?" I hear him whine and I warily look over my shoulder to the wall dividing the kitchen and the living room. I want to get up and maybe go into my room, but I can't bare to wake haknyeon up.

"why do you want me to go anyway? it's not like anyone wants me there" I now hear hyunjae respond and my eyes widen even more. 

"because I..." hyunjoon says and suddenly stops. 

I look behind me again to see why, but I'm met with two pairs of eyes staring at me in shock.

_oh shit._

hyunjoon has his eyes wide and is blinking rapidly, hyunjae is just pure speechless. I don't know what to do so I just continue to stare at them. to make it even worse, haknyeon was probably woken up by all the movement because he suddenly wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me closer. my face immediately heats up in embarrassment.

"hak, get up" I whisper to him and shake him lightly as I pry his arms off of me and stand up. I can feel hyunjoon and hyunjaes eyes just burning holes into me. 

"no...baby come cuddle me" he whines softly and makes grabby hands towards me. I roll my eyes at that. he was the one babying me earlier and now look who's acting like a baby.

"I honestly not sure if I'm amused or disgusted" I hear hyunjoon snort behind me and hyunjae laugh in agreement. my face is still red, but at least I know they're both fine with it. especially hyunjae, who I was worried would lash out on me.

but I'm glad he didn't. and I'm glad he's slowly getting better at that.

haknyeon finally wakes up, his eyes fluttering open and letting out a yawn. he finally adjust his eyes and gasps once he notices me, hyunjoon and hyunjae staring at him.

"oh" is all he says and I laugh at his confused face and messy hair sticking out at random places. "hi"

"yeah, hi" hyunjae says. "you and your boyfriend couldn't find any other place to cuddle?" he continues, making haknyeon and I look at each other.

"we arent-"

"haknyeon isn't my-"

"save it" hyunjae chuckles. "everyone knows. even our manager knows. you guys literally suck at hiding things" 

 I bundle of nerves forming in my chest subsides and I smile at haknyeon warmly. he returns it with a sleepy smile which I can't help but chuckle at, reaching my hand out to ruffle his hair. "you should get going" I say and he nods in agreement, standing up and straightening his shirt out.

"yeah, before my members get suspicious" he jokes. I grab his hand and we both walk towards the door, not missing out the teasing comments from hyunjae and hyunjoon.h

i watch as he laces up his sneakers, a stupid smile plastered on my face. once he’s done, he stands up and raises his eyebrows at me. “what?” he asks, confused with his cute head tilted. 

“you’re cute” i say. he chuckles, pulling me and hugging me close. i rub circles smoothly on his back and hear him sigh in content. 

“sunwoo” 

”yes, baby?” i answer, now reaching up to smooth his messy golden hair down.  

“be my boyfriend?” he asks softly and i have to stop my hands from combing through his hair for a second to process his question. 

i break out into an even bigger smile, my chest feeling light and jittery. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“yes, absolutely yes”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. its addy! its been months since i updated this... i apologize 🥴 this year has been kinda hectic !! but im finally getting the motivation to finish this off and maybe publish my other stories. next chapter will be super long for the ending!! happy holidays, everyone.


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